Christopher Voss Quotes

The key is that when we disagree, we really hear the other one out and agree that there is a more elegant solution than one of us 'winning.'

Negotiation is empathy. It's almost trite to say that if you can't put yourself in the seat of the other person you're speaking with, you're not going to do well. It's not about being a bully, not about making offers people can't refuse.

You cannot just dictate at negotiations. You must also listen.

We can argue and we can disagree, but we don’t need to poke our fingers in each other’s eyes in order to get our points across.

Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly.

Skillful conversationalists can explore disagreements and make points in ways that feel constructive and positive rather than combative or corrective.

We can't always agree on everything.

At one time or another, we have all faced the temptation to disconnect by giving someone the silent treatment. After being married to Joel for more than twenty-one years, I have learned that is not the best way to handle a disagreement.

Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.

I'd rather lose an argument than get into a long discussion in order to win it.

We cannot have that relationship if we only dictate or threaten and condemn those who disagree.

Soft words and hard arguments.

What I've learned - after working for, I guess, some time now - is when you're approaching a relationship like that, like, any working relationship, it's good to be open. To know that someone might have a different way of doing things and listen to them. And hopefully, you come to a common understanding.

It's important to really listen to the other person and have them feel like they're heard, to make sure the relationship feels equal.

Although everyone fights, few people know how to have a good argument, an argument that clears the air and makes it less likely a future argument will take place on the same subject.

Don't try to convince your partner you are right. Instead of trying to win arguments, try to have a winning relationship!

The 'that's right' breakthrough usually doesn't come at the beginning of a negotiation. It's invisible to the counterpart when it occurs, and they embrace what you've said. To them, it's a subtle epiphany.

If I had a row with my husband, it's not going to work my saying, 'Right, if you don't do what I want, I'm going to walk out.' It doesn't work on any level. What you do is you go in and you say, 'I have a problem. You have a problem. Let's try and sort this out together.' You don't come to an agreement with people who you're falling out with badly.

We need to stop telling each other to shut up. We need to get comfortable with the reality that no one is going to shut up.

It's important to learn how to have conversations with other people where it's not debating but discussing.

The secret to gaining the upper hand in a negotiation is to give the other side the illusion of control. Don't try to force your opponent to admit that you are right. Ask questions, that begin with 'How?' or 'What?' so your opponent uses mental energy to figure out the answer.

I think you kind of facilitate civil conversation no matter how heated you think it could get by telling everybody and showing them that you mean what you say when you value all sides.

My goal is to be the tough negotiator but... not to air differences through press releases.

For any relationship to survive, one needs excellent communication.

It's a very important thing to learn to talk to people you disagree with.