Rachael Ray Quotes

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

I've made a lot of crazy comedy videos and said a lot of crazy things. If it's too offensive, I apologize and move on, but I do comedy.

There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to have someone just speak extemporaneously in the middle of a scene about an episode of "Law and Order" or something.

Ladies and Gentlemen, King of the Stupid Question: Todd Grisham!

Comedy is not pretty.

Making people uncomfortable is one of my hobbies. I'm always hoping that half the people get the joke and the other half are the joke.

There's always a message in my comedy.

If I don't offend somebody, then I'm probably not funny.

Comedy always pushes some buttons, because it wouldn't be comedy if it didn't.

I get very confused about being called a comedian, because when you say 'I'm a comedian,' people expect you to crack a joke. Maybe I use laughter and humour to make people think. I don't know what you call that - a humourist? A satirist? A pessimistic comedian? I don't know. Satirists can be very dark.

I just want to continue to do comedy. Comedy, I'm discovering, is my niche. It's what I'm born to do, so I would love to have my own sitcom one day in the future.

John [Mulaney] likes to say I'm like a district attorney with absolutely no jurisdiction whatsoever.

I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready. Shakespeare is a culmination of eight years of stand up experience and joke writing. I recorded two shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York. The crowds were great and that's what really makes an album.

Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.

When people started reading me and talking to me about the work, they didn't say how funny, or how satiric, or how brilliant, or how this or how that, they said, how'd you get away with it? How'd you get that into print?

One of the funniest lines in my show was written for me by Alan Bursky. I really want to learn this routine!

I did get good enough to get on HBO's Young Comedians Special, but I certainly wasn't the person who got launched off of HBO's Young Comedians Special. That would be Ray Romano that year. I had some semi-intelligent jokes, but when people would see me, they would think, "Oh, that's a good writer." No one would ever have said, "Oh, that's a good performer."

I'm not a politician, I'm a comedian. I know my limitations.

I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water.

I consider myself a sit-down comedian really, as much as anything else. I love comedy. Life is a cosmic joke.

I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.

Most stand-ups, once they have done it, think of it as their default job. I'm pretty sure Jon Stewart still feels that way now. You are a stand-up first; other things come and go.

I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, addicts, the elderly, and my wife. As a standup comic, it is my job to make sure the majority of people laugh, and I believe that comedy is the last true form of free speech.

Some critics of my work took the view that a satirist should defer to the finer feelings of his readers and respect widely held beliefs.

I always try to attack the most honest issues I can in my comedy.