David J. Brewer Quotes

Concerning PDA: Anything that can be described as 'cute' is okay. Anything that can be described as 'mating' is not okay.

I'm 74 years old and even though I may be a bit of a rascal, 33 girls in two months seems to me too much even for a 30-year-old.

If you want to be different nowadays, just act normal.

I don't like to see teenage men wearing very tight jeans. The sight of an erection belongs in the privacy of the bedroom, living room, or kitchen floor.

We are not a civilized country if we can read in a newspaper what a lady tells her boyfriend or husband.

Bubba was the one person who wouldn’t even bat an eyelash that Nick was talking to an “imaginary” friend. Heck, he’d probably bring one of his own out to play, too. ~Nick

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look.

Adultery is a most conventional way to rise above the conventional.

A lover, when he is admitted to cards, ought to be solemnly silent, and observe the motions of his mistress. He must laugh when she laughs, sigh when she sighs. In short, he should be the shadow of her mind. A lady, in the presence of her lover, should never want a looking-glass; as a beau, in the presence of his looking-glass, never wants a mistress.

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did.

When people say they do not care what others think of them, for the most part they deceive themselves. Generally they mean only that they will do as they choose, in the confidence that no one will know their vagaries; and at the utmost only that they are willing to act contrary to the opinion of the majority because they are supported by the approval of their neighbours. It is not difficult to be unconventional in the eyes of the world when your unconventionality is but the convention of your set.

What will seduce a person is the effort we expend on their behalf, showing how much we care, how much they are worth. Leaving things to chance is a recipe for disaster, and reveals that we do not take love and romance very seriously.

Never kiss in public, but at home I am affectionate.

Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.

We kiss all the time." I clear my throat, then add, "We just...do it in private.

I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.

I used to have weird practices in crowded used-book stores in New York where I'd go in and just stomp my foot and see what fell from the shelf. And of course, because it's an unexpected encounter, there's always some magic that comes from it.

You could try to live monogamously. Good luck.

What an excellent tool the internet is for freaks.

Today's unspeakable perversion is tomorrow's kink, is next week's good clean fun

I don't think most of my opinions, political or social, are so far outside of the mainstream that they'd cause massive outrage on a scale liable to provoke death threats or referrals to prosecutors for outraging public decency, so why worry?

What a singular fact for an angel visitant to this earth to carry back in his note-book, that men were forbidden to expose their bodies under the severest penalties!

Well, in the first place girls never marry the men they flirt with. Girls don't think it right.

And then, strange to say, the first symptom of true love in a young man is timidity; in a girl, it is boldness.

For example, I'm a great fan of pornography, but I don't see any reason not to restrict it so that people walking down the street who hate pornography don't have full color pictures outside of movie theaters. Let them be in a different district. I'm kidding about pornography, but you get the point.