Dane Cook Quotes

I don't think I've drunk enough beer to understand that.

I Was so Drunk, I Thought a Tube of Toothpaste Was Astronaut Food.

Whiskey's to tough, Champagne costs too much, Vodka puts my mouth in gear. I hope this refrain, Will help me explain, As a matter of fact, I like beer.

While I can't walk on water, I can certainly wobble on whisky.

The piano has been drinking, not me.

If drunk were cookies, I'd be Famous Amos

With the first drink comes the truth, with the second drink comes wishful thinking, and with the third drink come the lies.

Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."

I was so drunk the whole time that I took bottles for girls and girls for bottles.

Don't think I'm talking nonsense because I'm drunk. I'm not a bit drunk. Brandy's all very well, but I need two bottles to make me drunk.

If I was drunk, I wouldn’t be here at all. And really, this is pretty good for four White Russians.” “White what?” I almost sat down but was afraid the chair might dematerialize beneath me. “It’s a drink,” he said. “You’d think I wouldn’t be into something named that—you know, considering my own personal experience with Russians. But they’re surprisingly delicious. The drinks, not real Russians.

I began to think vodka was my drink at last. It didn’t taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword swallowers’ sword and made me feel powerful and godlike.

Maybe she was drunk - the woman never could drink. One little sniff of tequila and she was off into some blonde la-la land.

Olivia: What's a drunken man like, fool? Feste: Like a drowned man, a fool, and a madman: one draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads him; and a third drowns him.

Drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things . . . nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.

Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.

Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

Of course I get drunk, my brain is only the size of a walnut.

It is time to get drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of Time, get drunk; get drunk without stopping! On wine, on poetry, or on virtue, as you wish.

Truth comes out in wine.

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.

A tavern is a place where madness is sold by the bottle.