Gilbert Gottfried Quotes

Well, it's not hard to be number one entertaining Jew. Some of them are quite bleeding bloody miserable, really.

Jews are known for many things, but strength, swiftness, and agility are not among them. There is one trait, as controversial as it is familiar, for which Jews are above all known, and that is shrewdness in business.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Jews have a tendency to become comedians.

The Jews are always up for a laugh.

I think Jews are the smartest people in the world.

It is an open secret that Jews do not work, but rather let others work for them.

I never knew any Jews until I got into show business. I've found them to be real smart and good workers.

I didn't know I was Jewish until I encountered anti-Semitism at the age of 10, when my best friend told me I couldn't come to their house because I was a Jew.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I'm just tired of people saying I'm a self-hating Jew because I'm critical of Israel or make fun of old Jewish ladies. I do not hate myself. And Jews who criticize Israel aren't necessarily mentally ill.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

Some of us shorten our names or our noses or both... We Jews can be extremely neurotic and are inclined to become easily depressed. Most Jews seldom say, 'Have a nice day' or even have one. To be honest, I've never heard a Jew say that. We're just not that optimistic. Life is neither a bed of roses nor a bowl of cherries.

It's interesting when you're part of a group - the Jews, to be exact - that the world has had such problems with.

All a Jew has to do is recite a few proverbs or anecdotes to consider himself an expert on 'Jewishness.'

When the Jews speak of humanity, they mean only the totality of Jews.

Comedy is still alive, and there are still funny people. Jews are still overrepresented in comedy and psychiatry and underrepresented in the priesthood. That immigrant Jewish humor is still with us.

Well, who better to play Nazis than we Jews?

But as my brother was doing his research for a book about my father, it became his opinion that the most influential anti-semitism my father encountered when he was growing up was from Jews, because his relatives were German Jews, and doctors.

The Jew is a mere huckster; a trader who doesn't want to produce, but to make something out of what someone else produces.

These days the Jews have reached their dreams. They’re rich; they reign supreme…O Egyptians, here’s my advice to you. Turn Jewish, since the heavens have turned Jew!

Jew Deal

The Jews are not merely hook-nosed but understand money instinctively.

I have never, ever, received any taunts or any form of anti-Semitism. And I suppose being a Jewish football player with the Atlanta Falcons was no different than being a Baptist football player with the Atlanta Falcons. But in the back of your mind, you always expect something to happen.

Most people don't seem to know that I am Jewish.