Tina Fey Quotes

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

The fact is that young people are going to have sex whether you like it or not.

I love Charlie, Billy Burke's character. Writing for him is so spectacular, he's so funny and wry and every scene he's in he just takes. There's a scene in 'Eclipse' where Bella tells him she's a virgin, and it's the funniest, most awkward scene I've ever seen on film.

Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing.

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

When you're 19, a threesome is normal. It's fun.

Is it OK not to be a virgin, yes. Most people aren’t virgins, Min. That’s why there’s people to begin with.

and then she asks me how many sexual partners I've had and I say one or two depending on your definition of what I did to Custer . . .

My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"

So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.

Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans.

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

In my own life, I don't have intercourse. That is my choice.

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

Sex has been around for a long time. You may not believe this, but it was around before I was.

You cannot over estimate how infantile men are about sex! Men are people that have sex BECAUSE they have a headache... or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!

I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

Every time you turn on your new car, you're turning on 20 microprocessors. Every time you use an ATM, you're using a computer. Every time I use a settop box or game machine, I'm using a computer. The only computer you don't know how to work is your Microsoft computer, right?

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Nothing about contraception should be taught in schools. There is no question that it will encourage sexual activity.

I was a superlate bloomer, and I was kind of a prude. I always wanted to be able to keep the number of people I've had sex with very low, because I never wanted to have to tell my future wife, "Oh, yeah, I was with 30 people."