JOE ROGAN

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

You're sort of programmed a certain way because of your environment. That's all you know. But we don't have that anymore because of the internet. Because of the internet we're all communicating with each other all across the board, so you're getting information from people all around the world, hitting a much more diverse slice of culture.

Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title.

The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.

When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.

Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce.

I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.

If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time.

I'm afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.

As a longtime practitioner of yoga and a person who's been involved in physical fitness my whole life, I can tell you, yoga helps you achieve altered states of consciousness. It is not just stretching. The only way you can say that it's stretching is if you haven't done it, or that you haven't done it rigorously for a long period of time.

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get.

I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in.

On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.

The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.

But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.

I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.

Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.

Faith itself is a horrible mechanism that stunts the growth of ideas. It also stunts the act of questioning, and it does this by pushing the idea that you have to have faith - and that nothing has to be proven.

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts.

Dick Gregory was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken.