DAVID SEDARIS

I've been keeping diaries for 27 years.

I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books.

I don't like being left to my own thoughts.

People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country.

I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.

But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.

Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie.

Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.

My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her.

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.

Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.

Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.

If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.

I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.

To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.

I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.

After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.

I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.

I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.

When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.

I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.

I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking.

The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing.