Unconventional Request Quotes

I always wanted an older brother. That was my thing. My mom would be like, "What do you want for your birthday?" I'd be like, "I want an older brother."

Dave Chappelle asked me to come do his show. I read the script, and I said, 'Has he lost his mind?'

Of all time, my craziest fan experience was signing a little baby's forehead, like a newborn baby. The parents came up to me, they wanted me to sign his forehead.

I've been asked to sign a forehead.

I was asked to go in a banana suit once or eat as many doughnuts as possible. I would not do those things. I don't eat doughnuts so why would I eat 20.

Oh, the most fun thing I've ever been asked to autograph was breasts.

I have had someone ask me to sign their 'Team Taylor' panties. She wasn't a teenager. She was in her 40s.

A very beautiful young woman once asked me to sign her breasts. That was back when I was a hip young thing - it's been all downhill since then.

Some bloke came up to me in Tesco a couple of years ago at 11:30 pm and said: 'Excuse me, would you mind telling my son here that you're Uncle Vernon?' I said: 'Get a grip. It's 11:30 at night - what's he doing out of bed? I'm not here to entertain people at this time of night.

The weirdest request I got was for a picture of me naked with nothing on but my cowboy boots. Needless to say, she went home empty-handed. I have, however, on several occasions, strolled around my apartment in nothing but my cowboy boots. There was just no one there to take pictures.

Usually when I ask people to reach into my velvety pouch it means something different.