Non Sequitur Quotes

Kodak is hard. 'No Flockin' is an amazing song.

When I first started looking at Twitter, I followed people like Steve Martin, who will just write the funniest non sequiturs now and then, which I thought was really fun. That's kind of the road I've taken. Every now and then, something comes into your mind and you put it out there. It's very innocuous. I think it's kind of fun.

I love the absurd - kind of absurdist comedy, absurd things in life.

Oh, you mean I'm a homosexual! Of course I am, and heterosexual too, but what's that got to do with my headache?

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"

Diesel is back," Ranger said. Yes. How did you know?" I woke up with a migraine this morning." Ranger said.

No more rhymes now I mean it!” “Anybody want a peanut?” “AAHH!

I like that feeling of discombobulation that comes in creating an absurd world that doesn't make sense. 'Monty Python' does a good job of it; 'Bugs Bunny,' too.

If I found Yoko Ono floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.

We really have to get going," Sam said. "Can we leave the car here and pick it up later?" The monk said, "Does a dog have a Buddha nature?" Does a fish have a watertight asshole?" said Coyote.

If there are no spots on a sugar cube then I’ve just put a dice in my tea.

I’m a cat. We aren’t required to make sense.

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct.

That's good. And speaking of spelling, tell me -- do you wrap your head in a towel after you shower?

You don't dig me, I don't understand what it is, I had my car reupholstered.

I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Observation: I can't see a thing. Conclusion: Dinosaurs.

The war with Iraq ... had to be one of the greatest non sequiturs in military history. Attacked by a gang composed largely of Islamic militants from Saudi Arabia, the United States countered by invading an unrelated country, and one of the most secular in the Middle East at that.

How many fingers am I holding up?" he inquired. Lucille regarded him blearily and said, "Avocado.

He ran a gas station down in St. Louis. No, Mahatma Gandhi was a great leader of the 20th century.

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

His response was remarkable for its irrelevance, if for nothing else.

Here's your hat, and by the way, I'm a virgin