Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
We had our family tree done... turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.
"She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."
I always laugh a lot when I see the dramas that I end up doing. I see myself behaving very seriously and I'm like, 'What is this?'
If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover.
I think if I could be any superhero, it'd probably be my mom... but I don't think I'd look too good in high heels, so it's not gonna happen.
I always said that I'm not the best singer in the world, just the loudest.
I won the Nobel prize for literature. What was your crime?
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Peter Cooper looks at the world with an artist's eye and a human heart and soul. His songs are the work of an original, creative imagination, alive with humor and heartbreak and irony and intelligence, with truth and beauty in the details. Deep stuff. And they get better every time you listen to them.
He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
I remember once, years ago, I met Sting, and he told me that he had seen 'Spinal Tap' 50 times. He said: 'Every time I watch it, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.'
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
If you stretch tragedy, it will always become comedy. That's the comedy that I like.
I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.
By the way, I'm funniest when I'm not being funny. I'm better to laugh at than with, pretty much.
Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.
In fact, I love singing. I just have a small problem with pitch, tune, melody, and lyrics. But that's never stopped me.
I was a car salesman, if you can believe it.
The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
