Death Humor Quotes

Death laughs when old women frolic.

"Yeah, well, if you eat red meat, it stays in your colon for fifteen years!" Good! I paid for it; I want it in my ass, okay? I want them to find a meat sweater from my esophagus to my asshole when they open me up in the end! "This guy's covered in meat! He's Meat-Man! He's Meat-Tracheotomy-Man!"

If this is dying, I don't think much of it.

The only exercise I take is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise.

It is depressing to hear the unfortunate or dying man jest.

The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.

I don't want to be buried in a Red Sox casket.

Death isn't funny." "Then why are there so many jokes about death? Jill, with us — us humans — death is so sad that we must laugh at it.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

Whereas I want everything to be peaceful during a birth, I take the total opposite approach when I'm helping someone come to terms with leaving this place - I play Richard Pryor records.

I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".

If I don't get laid, I'll sure die trying.

I don't think that because you die and move on to somewhere else that you lose your sense of humor.

I'm a big fan of gallows humor. When my aunt passed away, she was in a coma for a day before my cousins pulled the plug. And the amount of joking and base humor that went on that day around her bed was so insane. It's crazy how people talk when something horrible is happening.

I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat.

Give death announcements each time you move instead of giving announcements of the change of address. Send the same when you die.

I do not wish to help Jeremy Clarkson be amusing in the event of my death.

Dead bodies are such trouble,” Evie said with a little sigh, and Mabel had to turn her head away so as not to laugh.

I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive.

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.

Well, life is dark, isn't it? Mostly, it's dreadful. At the same time, death is funny too. I mean, look at the fuss we make of it.

Afterward I told his widow, "Your husband is dead, but at least he died laughing.' I think she took some comfort in that. It is the second-best way to die, Will Henry." He did not say what the best way was.

GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.

I remember, as a kid, my dad always told me, "Getting older beats the alternative." Although, now my father actually is the alternative, so I don't know what he would say. He's completely dead.