GRAHAM NORTON

I am very quick to judge.

Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean.

I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case.

All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with.

A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.

All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly.

It's lovely to get one successful show - the chances of finding a second one are not so hot.

In terms of language, yeah we get bleeped and blurred and things, but in terms of content, I would probably say we're getting away with more here than we could get away with in Britain. And that surprised us so much!

I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do.

The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show.

The BBC is a victim of its own independence.

I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste.

One of the great things about being gay and out is that the papers couldn't care less about your love life.

I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness.

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.

My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living.

Tolerance is forced on people in London.

I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything.

The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you.

An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot.

Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?'

I don't think anyone wants to be gay.

My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me.

I am really bad at actually interviewing people.

I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long.