Bette Davis Quotes

People who say not to speak ill of the dead are hypocrites, because you can take it ot the bank they're thinking ill.

I live by the code 'Kill them with kindness, blood everywhere;' for me, it's always about being the nicest kind of guy.

I know you aren't supposed to speak ill of the dead.

The only way to have a funeral is to invite everyone who ever knew the person and just wait for the accident to happen-somebody who comes in out of the blue and says the truth. Everything else is table manners.

Anybody can be charming if they don't mind faking it, saying all the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I don't have a conscience. I say them.

The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.

Nothing gets a bigger laugh than when you refer to things like ethics or human rights.

It is simpler and easier to flatter people than to praise them.

I quite like dark humor.

I don't want a tombstone. You could carve on it 'She never actually wanted a tombstone.'

Worldly faces never look so worldly as at a funeral. They have the same effect of grating incongruity as the sound of a coarse voice breaking the solemn silence of night.

What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you.

If Mr. Selwyn calls again, show him up; if I am alive I shall be delighted to see him; and if I am dead he would like to see me.

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead.

The satirist who writes nothing but satire should write but little - or it will seem that his satire springs rather from his own caustic nature than from the sins of the world in which he lives.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again!

You've gotta be very careful that grace and politeness do not merge into a banality of behavior, where we're just nice, sort of 'death by cupcake.'

Tradition demands that we not speak poorly of the dead.

Irony, I feel, is a very high form of morality.

I was only saying to the Queen the other day how I hate name dropping.

The key to gallows humor is to make the joke, no matter how certain the gallows is.

I like to laugh at dark things.

On being told of the death of former President Calvin Coolidge: How could they tell?

Speake not of a dead man at the table.

Chilo advised, "not to speak evil of the dead."