Fran Lebowitz Quotes

Hmmm... I never get the answer I think I'm going to get.

You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap smear.

A lie, as you probably know, has a taste all its own. Blocky and bitter and never quite right, like when you pop a piece of fancy chocolate into your mouth expecting toffee filling and you get lemon zest instead.

I conduct my life with an expectation that people will do the right thing. Yet even with all my experience, I am still surprised when they do not.

The people who I thought would be the hardest to work with were the easiest, and the people I thought would be the easiest were actually the hardest.

For years now, people have mentioned my mustache and get disappointed that when they see me live I don't have a mustache.

Everything pertaining to what's happening has never come to the surface. The world will never know the true facts of what occurred, my motives. The people who had so much to gain, and had such an ulterior motive for putting me in the position I'm in, will never let the true facts come above board to the world.

Sometimes people who seem good end up being not as good as you might have hoped, you know?

That which the sober man keeps in his breast, the drunken man lets out at the lips. Astute people, when they want to ascertain a man's true character, make him drunk.

There's always another secret.' -Kelsier

Meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive.

I know how difficult it can be when the image you've had of something doesn't match its reality; when the friend beside you turns into a monster.

It’s amazing what lies people can sustain behind the mask of their real faces.

I felt like I had just double-tapped Santa.

People can perfect whatever facade they want, but everyone holds their sins close to their skin.

What a moron I was to think you were sweet and innocent, when it turns out you were actually college-educated the whole time!

It's hard to be disappointed when what you expected turns out to be true.

I've learned not to be surprised by what people do no more.

People will tell you most of the story… and I’ve learned that the part they neglect to tell you is often the most important part. People hide the truth because they’re afraid.

the table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise.

The plan is not what you think.

I am surprised by what people expect of me.

A traveling show visited a country town and one of the acts was advertised as a striptease. A small boy begged his mother for a quarter to buy a ticket, but the mother refused, telling her son that if he went to that show he would see something awful. Well, the boy sneaked in the show and the first thing he saw was something awful - his own dad sitting on the front row.