FRAN LEBOWITZ

Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.