Rande Gerber Quotes

The quantity of spirits which they distill in Boston from the molasses which they import is as surprising as the cheapness at which they sell it, which is under two shillings a gallon; but they are more famous for the quantity and cheapness than for the excellency of their rum

Booze takes a lot of time and effort if you're going to do a good job with it.

Scotch whisky is made from barley and the morning dew on angel's nipples.

How stunning are the changes which age makes in a man while he sleeps!

When I was as you are now, towering in the confidence of twenty-one, little did I suspect that I should be at forty-nine, what I now am.

After a while the middle-aged person who lives in her head begins to talk to her soul, the kid.

She longed for cutlasses, pistols, and brandy; she had to make do with coffee, and pencils, and verbs.

I am confident that when I get really old, the human lifespan will be extended.

A woman, as much as a man, is responsible by the age of forty for the character of her face. But women, obeying the biological imperative, strive harder to preserve a youthful appearance (the reproductive look) and lose it sooner.

I can paint until I'm forty. After that I intend to dry up.

Youth is immortal; Tis the elderly only grow old!

I would rather be physically disabled obviously than mentally. I would rather be paraplegic than nuts. And it is a terrifying prospect and actually the longer we live the more likely it is that that's how we will go and that's a very painful thing to contemplate.

See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.

Though we seem grieved at the shortness of life in general, we are wishing every period of it at an end. The minor longs to be at age, then to be a man of business, then to make up an estate, then to arrive at honors, then to retire.

It's almost obscene when you see people who haven't matured, who haven't changed, who don't have the weight of years on them. So that's interesting to me - to think about playing him into the future, anew.

We devote the activity of our youth to revelry and the decrepitude of our old age to repentance: and we finish the farce by bequeathing our dead bodies to the chancel, which when living, we interdicted from the church.

People say, 'I love my wrinkles.' I don't love my wrinkles - come on!

One of the most surprising things in life is the sudden realization that one has become old

I am beginning to understand the true difference between youth and age. Young people have time to make plans and think of new ideas. Older people need their whole energy to keep up with what’s already been set in motion.

Youth is like a long weekend on Friday night. Middle age is like a long weekend on Monday afternoon.

Lo! the poor toper whose untutored sense, Sees bliss in ale, and can with wine dispense; Whose head proud fancy never taught to steer, Beyond the muddy ecstasies of beer.

I look at younger girls and I think, 'Doesn't she look great? Isn't she pretty?' And while I know I'll never be there again, I'm past the age of feeling jealous. Maybe in my 30s I would have been, but that part of my life has gone.

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

And what, for instance, would have happened had Romeo and Juliet lived to middle age, their silhouettes broadened by pasta?