Jim Bouton Quotes

How clever you are, my dear! You never mean a single word you say.

The man who cannot laugh is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils, but his whole life is already a treason and a stratagem.

Men who retain irony are not to be trusted. They can't always resist an impulse to tickle themselves.

Just kidding' was exactly what people wrote when they meant every word.

I only mean forty per cent of what I say.

Irony is the recourse of the weak-minded wimp, I think. I hate bands that deliver their songs with knowing smiles on their faces, so that if those songs fall flat they can say 'Ah well, we never really meant it anyway.' It's so dishonest.

What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you.

I have always been kind of really good at faking the sick voice, and I never really realized it because I would never use that power for evil.

I am a comedian and you guys know whatever I say, I don't mean any of it.

Of course, I do my own stunts. And I also do my own lying.

In fact, it was all I could do to stop myself from saying, 'I've always been a big fan of your work.

I never lie- except for the few times I do in fact lie, but it's never intentional, and i'm totally telling the truth right now" She raised her right hand "promise".

He who attempts to make others believe in means which he himself despises is a puffer; he who makes use of more means than he knows to be necessary is a quack; and he who ascribes to those means a greater efficacy than his own experience warrants is an impostor.

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.

Always be sincere, whether you mean it or not.

I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.

Praise undeserved, is satire in disguise.

I live by the code 'Kill them with kindness, blood everywhere;' for me, it's always about being the nicest kind of guy.

A hypocrite despises those whom he deceives, but has no respect for himself. He would make a dupe of himself too, if he could.

When people talk, they lay lines on each other, do a lot of role playing, sidestep, shilly-shally and engage in all manner of vagueness and innuendo. We do this and expect others to do it, yet at the same time we profess to long for the plain truth, for people to say what they mean, simple as that. Such hypocrisy is a human universal.

Bad faith likes discourse on friendship and loyalty.

He who knows how to flatter also knows how to slander.

Lots of English people say exactly the opposite of what they mean.

To say 'we' and mean 'I' is one of the most recondite insults.

Hypocrisy can afford to be magnificent in its promises, for never intending to go beyond promise, it costs nothing.