Jim Gaffigan Quotes

Life had sure been simpler when I hadn't dated.

Single life is so overrated.

I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.

I think a lot of times we're so told in our world that marriage is everything, and having a partner is everything. If you look at our movies and things, it's all directed around that love, and if you don't have that love, how sad you are.

When I was a bachelor with a different girl on my arm every week, people didn't think I was quite legitimate.

Boyfriends? Psh, like I've got time for that!

I don't seek out love or relationships, just because my schedule is crazy.

I don't have any desire to be in a relationship with anyone else, and I do feel like I'm on the other side of my career of being a Lothario.

I think that one of the things that has changed the perception is that there are so many more single people. In New York City, it's 47 percent. When you have that many people who are single, they have a bigger voice and they're more willing to speak and say, 'We're not miserable, we're not sitting at home waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right, we're having a good time.' And I think single people have better friendships.

You have a steady fella?” Sam asked after a bit. “No fella can hold me for long.” Sam gave her a sideways glance. “That a challenge?” “No. A statement of fact.

Last night, we were all watching Harry Potter in bed, and I thought, 'This isn't something you have when you're single, that's for sure.'

I'm single and loving it. It is always weird talking about that stuff. When someone is talking about who they are going out with, I am always like, who cares? Talk about your music or something.

One of the things that I discovered in lecturing was that gradually one ceased to hear what one said one heard what the audience hears one say.

It strikes me how strange people are. You can see them every day - you can think you know them - and then you fшnd out you hardly know them at all.

Bessie: 'Why don't you get married?' Zooey: 'I like riding in trains too much. You never get to sit next to the window anymore when you're married.

I look at people holdings hands in the hallways, and I try to think how it all works. At the school dances, I sit in the background, and I tap my toe, and I wonder how many couples will dance to ‘their song.’ In the hallways, I see the girls wearing the guys’ jackets, and I think about the idea of property. And I wonder if anyone is really happy.

As a single couple, we are no longer able to hang around with married couples 'cause they cannot be in our presence without getting very annoying. It's always like, 'So, when are you guys getting married? Huh? When are you getting married? When are you guys getting married?!' I dunno, you're married - when are you gonna die? You're already married, death will be next. When are you gonna die?

When the women start to push 40, they're not single, fun girls around town any more.

There is no character in the comedy of human life more difficult to play well than that of an old bachelor.

My last Olympics, I had a girlfriend — big mistake. Now I’m single, so London should be really good. I’m excited.

I don't think we know yet what broadcast television did to us, although it obviously did lots. I don't think we're far enough away from it yet to really get a handle on it. We get these things, I think they start changing us right away, we don't notice we're changing. Our perception of the whole thing shifts, and then we're in the new way of doing things, and we take it for granted.

Strange, i thought i knew you well, thought i had read the sky, thought i had seen a change in your eyes.

I'm single. I'm independent. And I'm dating. I think if you're honest that you're dating, there's nothing wrong with that.

I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone.

The idea of selling is a projection that people create about people that is more of a reflection of who they are than what is actually happening in front of them with the artist.