Tucker Max Quotes

I knew it... I'm surrounded by assholes!

And now I wish I hadn’t been civil, because he says he shall not despair! He is as stupid as Endymion!” “No, no!” said Alverstoke soothingly. “Nobody could be as stupid as Endymion!

Beauty and the lust for learning have yet to be allied.

I hate it when people say, Mary Elizabeth, this may be hell, but the movie is going to be sooo good.

The only people I really hate are parking attendants.

Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity.

There are a few things that make me angry. Mostly things not going my way.

I'm a little angry in life.

I used to think that nails-down-a-chalkboard was the worst sound in the world. Then I moved on to people-eating-cereal-on-the-phone. But only this week did I stumble across the rightful winner: it's the sound of a baggage carousel coming to a grinding halt, having reunited every passenger on your flight with their luggage, except for you.

If I miss a pass at practice, I'm ticked off.

When I read passages like this, I want to look for the nearest wall to bang my head against.

Don't waste my time- I'm not stupid, and I'm not gullible.

Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

Here's one thing I never say anymore: These people can't be that stupid, can they?

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.

Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?

I like looking at geniuses and listening to beautiful people.

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

Who spit in your porridge?

This has to be the most self-centered thing I've ever said, but no, I think you just wanted to vex me.

I love people. And when you love people that much that you're disappointed in them every day, that love can turn to hate in a flash of a second.

She glared at him. "You're doing it again." "What?" "That thing that irritates me." "Smiling?" "Yes. That.

I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often.

I want to strangle whoever invented that R-Patz thing.