Garry Shandling Quotes

How are the eyes?' 'Oh, excellent,' he said. 'I mean, they're not in my head is the only problem.' 'Awesome, yeah,' Gus said. 'Not to one-up you or anything, but my body is made out of cancer.' 'So I heard,' Issac said, trying not to let it get to him. He fumbled toward Gus's hand and found only his thigh. 'I'm taken,' Gus said.

I'm 5'2'', 5'3'' on a good day.

I never thought I was funny.

Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself.

I'm blind without my glasses.

I have written a book. This will come as quite a shock to some. They didn't think I could read, much less write.

My problem is people seem to laugh at me, but the one that laughs harder than anybody is me.

So, I'm the Eighth Wonder of the World. It's flattering and very, very funny.

You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm.

I'm really great at making terrible analogies.

A lot of people don't think of my work as being all that funny, but I think it's hilarious!

People don't expect me to be as funny as I am.

I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I or the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom.

I'm very good at daydreaming. Ask any of my schoolteachers.

I'm so down to earth, I'm bringing gravity back.

Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.

I thank you in advance for the great round of applause I'm about to get.

I don't think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I'm not.

I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

I'm just not very funny.

Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me.

I don't think I'm funny.

I do not look at myself every morning and think: 'Oh, my gosh, I am so perfect, so beautiful, so talented.' No, I like to make fun of myself.

I would describe my dancing talents as incredibly deep.