Jon Heder Quotes

I figured out the only way to get women in high school was not to care that much. Now I realize that you have to live your life and eventually they'll be attracted to you and you'll be attracted to them and it will just happen. I think. I think.

It is folly to punish your neighbor by fire when you live next door.

Benefit your friends; make sure your enemies suffer from being your enemies.

If U.S. foreign policy results in massive death and destruction abroad, we cannot feign innocence when some of that destruction is returned.

Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.

You can wipe out your opponents. But if you do it unjustly you become eligible for being wiped out yourself.

The snake will always bite back.

You punch me, I punch back. I do not believe it's good for one's self-respect to be a punching bag.

People who treat other people as less than human must not be surprised when the bread they have cast on the waters comes floating back to them, poisoned.

If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

All bite the bitten dog.

If you are to strike, then make it painful, because you'll get the same blame either way.

The one who throws the stone forgets; the one who is hit remembers forever.

Those to whom evil is done do evil in return.

On of the most important lessons of the Cold War was demonstrating that your friends will be protected and taken care of, that your enemies will be punished, and that those who refuse to support you will live to regret having done so.

New York and I are not punching bags. You hit us and we will hit back.

When you're nice to me, I'm nice to you; but when you are not nice, I'm even worse.

Hate begets hate and if karma and punishment is the only language you understand then the road ahead will be rocky.

If anybody has done bad things to me, then I must have done the same to them.

If they're acting like a dog, sometimes you're forced to treat people like dogs.

Men cannot expect to do ill and fare well, but to find that done to them which they did to others.

I don't mean go out and get violent; but at the same time you should never be nonviolent unless you run into some nonviolence. I'm nonviolent with those who are nonviolent with me. But when you drop that violence on me, then you've made me go insane, and I'm not responsible for what I do.

When someone asks, 'Why do you think he's not calling me?' there's always one answer - 'He's not interested.' There's not ever any other answer.

That was the rule. Break one of my rules once, and I’m bound to break many more.

We should be careful of the insults we fling at others, lest they return and land at our feet, newly minted to apply to those who had first coined them.