Umberto Eco Quotes

I give boring people something to discuss over corn.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

I am a performer. I go on stage and make a fool of myself.

The emphasis that diplomats of all countries in all capitals accord to entertainment is the result of a conspiracy by which function is found in pleasant social in intercourse and controlled inebriation.

Awkwardness is such a gold mine for comedy.

When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them.

I was a class clown. I realized early on feeling very comfortable in front of people.

Growing up, the one thing I noticed was that everyone seemed to laugh at my jokes wherever I went.

Awkwardness and feeling alienated are always going to be a part of comedy.

People paused to listen to Denise Chávez and she had them - with gum on her shoes, she had them. She said she stepped on gum when she came up to the stage and she couldn't move, so she had to stay in one spot otherwise people would see the Chiclet.

People ask me, Jimmy, howd you get here tonight. Lets just say it involved a two-hour make-out session with Elaine Stritch. It got pretty heavy actually, I almost had to host.

Well, I can't (sing or dance). Actually, I sing like a seal and dance like your Uncle Leo at that wedding where he got up and went 'ya, ya, ya'.

one doesn't interrupt a beautiful girl unless one is going to be funny.

It's not terribly dignified to have anyone seeing one laugh at one's own material.

Who discreetly whispers you forgot to zip up your pants? You babe, you're my bestest friend.

I've always been funny. I look back in the day, when I would take the mic from my dad in church and just start goin', at age six, the first time I did it. I think 14 was when I knew I wanted to do it and promote my own comedy shows at the church. Then, everyone would come.

It's fun because I really do love meeting new people. Comedy can be so different from show to show and from writer to writer and actor to actor. People don't set out to make a bad show.

I [give] maybe the long-winded speeches that not everybody reads, but I can also do a slow jam on Jimmy Fallon better than most.

I don't think I'm too mean to celebrities. I poke fun, but I think in the end, they always win.

I grew up fascinated with comedy and with people who could capture someone's attention.

I think anybody in front of a crowd is a comedian.

It’s been a very old thing for people to gather together and laugh at stuff. The first comedian in America really was Abraham Lincoln. He used to go to a pub near where he lived and stand in front of the fire and he packed the place every night and he would just talk and bust everybody in their guts. He was just a hilarious speaker and that’s what he did.

I've always liked the fact that I could make people laugh at crazy stuff that has happened to me. If it makes you feel better at me falling down the stairs...then I'm going to do it.

Only a sadistic scoundrel-or a fool-tells the bald truth on social occasions.

Azhar Usman is very funny, deeply spiritual, and extremely hairy. He's like Zach Galifianakis meets Deepak Chopra-and funnier than you'd expect that combination to be.