Religious Satire Quotes

If triangles made a god, they would give him three sides.

The Book of Mormon is chloroform in print.

The Bible is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies. This Bible is built mainly out of fragments of older Bibles that had their day and crumbled to ruin. So it noticeably lacks in originality, necessarily. Its three or four most imposing and impressive events all happened in earlier Bibles; there are only two new things in it: hell, for one, and that singular heaven I have told you about.

If you love god, burn a church.

Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How's that for a religion?

At the end of the day, I always maintain you can substitute 'The Book of Mormon' for 'The Bible: The Musical' or 'The Quran: The Musical.'

and don't you know that God is Pooh Bear?

I want Jesus to come back and say 'THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT'" -

I would love him to save me a place in his team, George Best that is, not God.

… mortals suppose that the gods are born (as they themselves are), and that they wear man's clothing and have human voice and body. But if cattle or lions had hands, so as to paint with their hands and produce works of art as men do, they would paint their gods and give them bodies in form like their own—horses like horses, cattle like cattle.

Where's the church, who took the steeple, Religion's in the hands of some crazy ass people, Television preachers with bad hair and dimples, The God's honest truth is, it's not that simple

Having spent a substantial part of my career parodying religious figures from my own Christian background, I am aghast at the notion that it could, in effect, be made illegal to imply ridicule of a religion or to lampoon religious figures.

My opinion is that somebody certainly has the right to do cartoons that make fun of somebody else's religion. But to reprint them just to provoke a fight and just to provoke it like thumbing your nose at someone else and going, "What are you gonna do about it?"

I wonder that a prophet doesn’t laugh whenever he sees another prophet.

Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.

Making fun of born-again christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

Religious fundamentalists are unaware that freedom of religion necessarily brings with it the freedom to mock religion.

We don't really have to make fun of religion - it makes fun of itself.

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.

Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for Lent. We'll start again on Monday.'

Christians get trees. Jews get bushes. To stay in good standing with the Tribe, you've got to refer to a Christmas tree as a Hanukkah bush.

Shepherds don't look after sheep because they love them - although I do think some shepherds like their sheep too much. They look after their sheep so they can, first, fleece them and second, turn them into meat. That's much more like the priesthood as I know it.

If you believe in Odin and Thor, people laugh themselves to death. While it's okay to believe in a man who turned water into wine, and walked on water

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.