New Motherhood Quotes

After giving birth, I never brushed my hair, my teeth, or took a shower. I looked in the mirror one day and was really depressed.

I'm doing stand-up comedy. I'm working on a one-woman show about how I don't like my baby. There is a period of time where a baby is born where the next 3 months is harrowing. A lot of people say it's the most wonderful time, but for me it was harrowing.

The instant feeling I had after I gave birth was you couldn't get that baby in my hands fast enough.

You lose yourself when you first become a mum. It's easy to let yourself go.

(Cartoon caption:) I never really rallied after the birth of my first child.

When I first heard my song on the radio, I started crying. My baby was out there, and it all became very real.

In real life, being a new mom, I would like to be able to sleep. I'd like to snap my fingers and be asleep because I'm a little sleep-deprived, at the moment.

That first year after a child, I kind of just hunker down at home - I surrender to that side of me. I don't try to get my body back or be in the world; I go the opposite way.

I never ever slept again after my first pregnancy.

Breastfeeding is this savage ritual that just reminds you that your body is a cafeteria now.

You only hear the horror stories - that after a baby, you never get your body back - but it's not true; it depends on your life beforehand.

In giving birth, I knew that I would have to take a break after I had a baby; I just didn't know that it would be, like, six weeks long. Taking a six-week break was a very big deal for me. I have never taken that long of a break from stand-up other than my honeymoon, which was 14 days long.

Neve Campbell, Scott Wolf, and Paula Devicqu - we all keep in close touch. Especially now that I have the baby, I want to share her with my extended family. And I do consider them part of my extended family.

I moved out to L.A. and had my son and was walking around Gelson's, and I was like, 'Am I just one giant, lactating boob? Is that what I've become?'

I'm going to keep it real gully with you; the first two months, I wanted to give him back. I expected someone to come and save me because after you have the baby, nobody cares about you anymore. Nobody cares if you sleep, nobody cares if you eat. It's just you and this all-consuming thingy!

"I can't believe you recently had a baby. How do you do it?" The baby starts to come down...and once that happens you can't-it comes out. Whether you let it or not, the baby comes out. So that's how I did it.

I'm constantly on the go and have found rushing round after a new born baby is the best form of exercise! I always remind myself that men appreciate a womanly shape and some curves!

I'm moderating one of the presidential primary debates right after I've had a baby. I'm sitting in a dirty closet on the floor behind the auditorium where this debate is taking place between Obama, Hillary Clinton, and I'm pumping breast milk... twenty minutes before I'm going on.

You never know what state you're going to be in after giving birth.

After having a real baby, I was sitting on a doughnut for a month.

It's a pretty brutal process, having a baby.

About three months after I had Kelly, I went and played in Canada. I felt great, I was ready to go and I was very energetic. But as soon as I started playing, I thought 'no, too soon.' I went back home and slept for two days.

When your co-stars are 9-month-old babies, you fall in love. You start thinking, When am I going to have my own?

I really feel like because I had my son so young, I didn't want everyone's help. I think people felt entitled to give advice, so I'm always very sensitive to moms and letting them feel their way out.

There's an identity crisis that happens when you give birth. I don't care how confident, how secure you are, how much help you have, how many kids you have. For me, it was major.