I consider myself a sit-down comedian really, as much as anything else. I love comedy. Life is a cosmic joke.
You spend your whole life trying to get known and then you spend the rest of it hiding in the toilet.
I had arrived years ago in Paris and just wanted to be famous, fast. When you're pretentious like that, and you think you've planned everything perfectly, it's then that everything goes in the opposite way.
Age, they say, is only important if you're cheese. or a wine. They also say, if you are stuck behind one on a golf course, that a tree is 90 per cent air. How come, then, that you invariably send your ball crashing into the remaining 10 per cent?
It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks.
It's like obituaries, when you die they finally give you good reviews.
It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.
Unfortunately for novelists, real life is getting way too funny and far-fetched.
Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
I really thought that I'd be doing Shakespeare, honest to God. I did not foresee the whole action television thing. That was God's joke.
It is a modest creed, and yet Pleasant if one considers it, To own that death itself must be, Like all the rest, a mockery.
Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all.
