Alcohol is probably one of the greatest things to arrive upon the earth - alongside of me.
It's hilarious to see guys wearing a headband with 'I'm a Hugger' on it.
I'm happy that I've raised six kids, and not one of them is a Ph.D.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Yellow looks good with a brown suit, but then, a brown suit never looks good.
Trump must've been an extraordinary father to have raised well-adjusted kids.
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons.
Even if that were true, it wouldn't be irony," Lucas pointed out. "Irony is the contrast between what's said and what happens.
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, "children are our most prescious natural resource". I thought, "let's hope it never comes to that".
I don't know, maybe Australian humour isn't supposed to be funny. It's as dry as the Sahara, and I think people miss that.
Aside from a cold appreciation of my own genius I felt that I was a modest man.
My mother and father were perfect role models. They were together for 25 years and very much in love. But I've got too much to do now. I'm only 27.
I'm like the Fugitive, running from the one-armed indie-rock community!
I'd be willing to bet you, if I were a betting man, that I have never bet on baseball.
There is perhaps no more obvious vanity than to write of it so vainly.
Was it that you wanted to pull my leg by transporting me to the frozen Himalayan heights of 'mahatmaship' and claiming for yourself absolution from having to follow my precepts?
If I had all the money I'd spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.
It was an especially wonderful time to be a noisy moron.
If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts.
I know, I've never had boobs before!
Sarcasm is the protest of the weak.
Irony limits, finitizes, and circumscribes and thereby yields truth, actuality, content; it disciplines and punishes and thereby yields balance and consistency.
The trouble with talking about irony is, it's such a slippery thing that the second you start talking about it, you're a better example of it than you are an analyst.
The funny thing is that I had never actually watched TV.
