Infomercial Quotes

Big night of television tonight for Barack Obama. Earlier tonight, Barack Obama aired a half-hour infomercial to attract more voters. Yeah. Yeah, and apparently, if you watched the entire infomercial, Barack threw in a free set of Ginsu knives for you.

Hi, Billy Mays here for...

I didn't feel like reading that night, so I went downstairs and watched a half-hour long commercial that advertised an exercise machine. They kept flashing a 1-800 number, so I called it. The woman who picked up the other end of the phone was named Michelle. And I told Michelle that I was a kid and did not need an exercise machine, but I hoped she was having a good night. That's when Michelle hung up on me. And I didn't mind a bit.

When I'm 18, I can finally order that paid programming stuff on TV. Like it always says, 'Must be 18 or older to call,' so I'll be able to call! I can finally buy some blenders from the TV.

This isn't really a convention, This is really an infomercial. And every night we'll have a different infomercial and people view it with a certain level of cynicism.

The Rolling Stones are so versatile, they're like the band version of that Infinite Dress they sell on QVC.

That ShamWow! commercial was really low budget. That cost us like $20,000 to make.

The only thing I liked on HSN was Wolfgang Puck selling cookware. He was funny and engaging. He gave you recipes. Even if you didn't want to buy anything, you could watch Wolfgang for an hour.

Reality TV is a totally different animal than the infomercial world.

I always had the dream of doing a 'real' infomercial because I had done smaller home shows and fairs. Everyone said it wasn't going to work. 'You need a movie star,' they said. But I wanted to do it myself because I'm selling the passion - there is a problem and I have a solution - that had resonated well with people.

It's one giant Bowflex commercial covered in booze vomit.

There is no more embarrassing thing in my life than the fact that I have actually uttered the phrase, 'I would like to order the Ginsu Knife.'