My TV ain't HD, that's too real
Hi-def is merely the latest in a string of evolutional leaps that have transformed the way we sit slumped in front of a box wishing we were dead.
I remember thinking all TV was black and white, but that was because we had a really old, broken TV. And then I went to a friend's house and I was like, woah, your TV is like, crazy! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That was my first show.
I've never used High Definition video, never, ever, ever, ever, ever. And I never will. I can't stand that crap.
Aging on camera is just very hard. I love my age. I feel good about myself but high definition television is not kind. You don't even look like yourself in high-def. It just makes every little line on your face more exaggerated so it ends up aging you. It's like you're watching yourself seven years older.
The longtime standard for American TV was 525 lines from top to bottom of the image. As a practical matter, that was roughly equivalent to 350 thousand pixels - pretty crude, given that photos made with your iPhone boast five million pixels.
We're all getting plastic surgery. Come on, this is the game here, and HDTV exaggerates all the features. Yeah, I'm proud of it, because we're all doing it. Nobody's talking about it.
In the entertainment industry, there is this fear of getting older, because we have high definition television now, and you can see things that the human eye can't even pick up. But the good thing about standup is that the older you get, the funnier you get.
Engineers are now experimenting with 4,096-line TV systems, suggesting that with the next generation of sets you'll be able to count the grass blades on the Superbowl field, an obvious lifestyle improvement.
I played teen roles until high definition came out.
