Entertainment Failure Quotes

Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.

I haven't seen any of the Cung Le movies, but I have seen the Cung Le Q&A that he did in San Jose, and I've got to say that was pretty hard to watch. That was pretty cringeworthy. Listen: stick to kicking; sticking to kicking eggs and setting Guinness World Records, because entertaining a crowd certainly isn't your thing.

Here it is at last, the first 150-minute trailer. Armageddon is cut together like its own highlights. Take almost any 30 seconds at random, and you'd have a TV ad. The movie is an assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense, and the human desire to be entertained. No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out.

Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

Dick Martin, if you put a gun to his forehead, he couldn't tell you a joke.

With my plays, when the lights go down, at least the audience isn't thinking, 'Oh, God, two more hours of this.'

Rehearsels, actually." "Rehearsals?" "For the-" Oh,no. "-musicale." The Smythe-Smith musical.It finished off what the Crusades had begun.There wasn't a man alive who could maintain a romantic thought when faced with the memory-or the threat-of a Smythe-Smith musicale.

I did one touring show with Horatio Sanz. We went to, I think it was Iowa State University, and we were in this field house, so people were sitting on the floor. It started out with 2,500 people in there. We delivered the most mediocre improv, and it went from a crowd of 2,500 to 250 people in the course of 45 minutes. It was grim.

Sometimes I go to movies, and it's just a bombardment, and I'm not entertained by them - I'm assaulted by them! And I know I sound like such a drama queen, but I find that really strange.

Bad movies are when people go, 'oh, I wasted $10 bucks and 2 hours and I don't even want to go back again.'

Borderlands' is a horrific failure if our goal is to entertain the world.

Every movie I touched bombed.

The end of 2016, Mariah Carey got on stage, and it was mean. The technical difficulties that she came across, now everybody think that she was lost.

You can't control the audience. When you're on the air and they're not coming to the party, it's time to shut down the party.

I did try and do some spooky stand up once, and some of my stand-up had - I tried to do some horror stand-up, but it didn't really work very well.

The crowd did not dream when they laid down their money that they would see a total eclipse of the Sonny!

CBS's halftime show during the 2004 Super Bowl was a new low for television.

Air America has tanked because it features a bunch of talentless, angry demagogues who wouldn't know how to entertain a radio audience if their lives depended on it.

There are a lot of good shows that don't get picked up. Like that Ben Stiller pilot, Heat Vision And Jack? That would have been a great show, but somehow it slipped by.