Comedy Tour Quotes

For my first gig, I got $75. I could make money being funny, so I pursued it as a career and have turned it into a lucrative business.

I don't do stand-up anymore.

Lots of people knew who Kevin Hart was a decade before he hit it big.

I worked with so many comedians who became big names - so many, I can't even remember some of their names. John Byner, Totie Fields, Joan Rivers. Shecky Green at the MGM. When I started my career, my first hotel in Las Vegas was at the old Flamingo. My opening act was Bill Cosby.

I'm most proud of my career as a touring comedian and musician. I love doing television, I love selling records, but when I'm at these venues with hundreds of people, and they're all sitting listening to my music and my jokes, I feel like I could die that day, and I would be happy.

When Logo offered me my own comedy special, I said, 'Let's make it a double.'

I want to let my fans know I love them and I'm coming your way and I'm bringing truckloads of funny.

There's tons of dudes - like David O'Doherty, Tim Key, and Alex Horne - I made a lot of friends with people who are really incredible comics.

I never became a road comic.

I want to bring UCB to England. We don't have anything like it.

Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I’ve seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian.

We just got a tour bus. I didn't know tour buses could be this nice. It's just me, Brian Haner the guitar guy, the tour manager and a writer. We laugh ourselves silly. Apparently we're going to have a road dog, a miniature pincher. It's the smallest they've ever seen. How masculine am I going to look, working with dolls and a miniature dog?

I had the humble beginnings. I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

No matter what town we went to, if there was a comedian playing, I'd go watch.

Being a stand-up comic, this isn't a stepping-stone for me; it's what I do, and this is what I'm always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reasons to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows.

I feel blessed to be able to do my stand up comedy all over the world, because some people never even leave New York.

I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo, so we all had equal shine and bounce.

Over the years, I managed to develop this comedy career, went from opening act to headliner at comedy clubs, to playing concert halls, and had an off-Broadway show with 'Sleepwalk With Me.'

Tommy Tiernan is an Irish comic who I believe is one of the finest in the world.

I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.

Maria Bamford is someone who's really inspired me in a big way.

Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.

When I was younger I always thought, 'If I were ever a comedian I'd make it like a rock concert.' I wanted to generate that type of enthusiasm and excitement.

When I was a young kid I loved Don Rickles, Buddy Hackett and Jackie Vernon.

I started working full time as a comedian in 2005, shortly after we did the Vince Vaughn 'Wild West Comedy Show.' I worked at the Four Seasons hotel from 1998 to 2005, so about seven years, just trying to put some food on the table and pay the rent while I went out to the open mics and got my feet wet with stand-up comedy.