It almost hurts me to walk down a road and have people grab my hand and ask for my autograph and not sit and talk. When I'm finished I'm not going to be on the front page, but I'm going to be just as happy without the publicity.
When I was on 'Complete Savages,' the cast sometimes found themselves running from a mob of girls. There is nothing quite like that.
There are different levels of fame. There are the polite fans who quietly and respectfully approach you and ask for an autograph - and that's acceptable. But the next level... when you think you're having a moment of privacy and there's someone with a long lens catching you when you're about to eat, or sunbathe, or worse... it's just so intrusive and I think it's part of the sickness of our culture.
I think I have already signed some scrap of paper for every man, woman, and child in the United States. What do they do with all those scraps of paper with my signature on it?
Going to the cinema or a meal can be difficult, with people asking for pictures or autographs.
Dad never misses a chance to remind me that whenever we are travelling together, if 100 people mob him for autographs, five approach me.
Oh, the most fun thing I've ever been asked to autograph was breasts.
When I meet people after stand-up shows, they'll bring their cars.
When fans come up to me and Vanessa, they're really sweet and ask for autographs - but once they see the guys, the girls tend to scream.
The only time I mind autographs is when I'm out with my family. You're trying to enjoy kids and grandkids and here comes a swarm, and there go your wife and kids. That happens to every celebrity. It's the price you pay.
I don't mind it when people come up to me and say, 'Well done.' That's lovely. The bit that's weird is stuff like... I've had a load of eBay people hounding me. Just sort of getting you to sign stuff which they can then sell.
Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.
Wherever we play golf, people come out here to get autographs. They obviously come out to watch us play and see us in action, but they also want to interact with us.
I make the money, and I don't have to take the abuse some of the stars do, opening up their personal life. I can go into a restaurant, sit down, and have a nice meal without being harassed. Arnold Schwarzenegger can't do that.
I thought it was really funny that half the people I autographed things for said, 'Autograph the back of my phone.' I was like, 'What? Really? Seriously?' They didn't have anything else.
You're a sitting duck in a mall if you're a celebrity. It's like that scene from 'Guarding Tess,' I think it is, where Shirley MacLaine goes to the mall just to feel good about her celebrity.
Some people come up and ask for an autograph and don't even look at me. They're like, 'Here, do it.' That don't bother me, but it doesn't open my heart.
Celebs that hit the West Hollywood/Beverly Hills quadrant and places like the Urth Caffe are not exactly trying to keep a low profile; it's sort of like if LeBron James went to an ESPN Zone and then whined about being hounded for autographs.
People are always asking me for pictures, signing autographs, everywhere I go. Before, it used to irritate me, but I've learned to handle the situation. I cannot run away unless I lock myself in my room and never go out.
I can't go to the cinema. I go to the bathroom in a petrol station and people come in there for autographs. It's tough but I knew that was going to be the case.
I read and watch movies. I can't go to the movie theater much anymore, though, because I get recognized. It's worse sometimes if I wear a costume and try not to get recognized. I watch most of my films on airplanes.
