Nothing made sense to me anymore. I knew I was young, I knew I was small. But I was worried that I might already be ruined.
Mad World' hasn't dated because it's expressive of a period I call the teenage menopause, where your hormones are going crazy as you're leaving childhood. Your fingers are on the cliff and you're about to drop off, but somehow you cling on.
In junior high P.E., I was way too shy to take a shower in front of the other kids. It was a horribly awkward time - body hair, odors... So I'd go from my sweaty shirt back into my regular clothes and have to continue the day.
At school my boobs were bigger than all my friends' and I was afraid to show them. Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory.
When you're a teenager, a year can be crippling to maneuver through. Some things happen when you're like 13. All of a sudden you go from being this really confident, no-worry little kid to having all these weird insecurities for no reason.
There is an old story about the boy at Eton who committed suicide. The other boys in his house were gathered together and asked if any of them could suggest a reason for the tragedy. After a long silence a small boy in the front put up his hand: 'Could it have been the food, sir?
I wrote 'Pumped Up Kicks' when I began to read about the growing trend in teenage mental illness. I wanted to understand the psychology behind it because it was foreign to me.
Everything about being a teenager and not feeling like you fit in is just magnified by being a mutant!
I didn't want to whisper and giggle about [puberty] anymore. I felt incredibly self-conscious. I felt like I was losing myself, and I was losing who I was. And that really scared me.
I was an incredibly lonely, very alienated teenager.
There's nothing more terrifying then a teenage girl.
If you asked me to go back to being 14 or 15, I couldn't - it was a terrifying time. I was so awkward in my own skin. I used to hide behind my hair because I was so ridiculously self-conscious.
When I was 16, I felt I might be left with some effeminacy because of all the dancing. I was so full of classical dance that I wanted to get away and do something else.
In my last two years in high school, my face was pocked with pimples, I stammered when I spoke; if I made a mistake, I blushed furiously, and when nervous, as I was in the company of girls, I perspired freely.
I've chronicled a time when I was 17, 18, utterly terrified that you're not gonna get anywhere with whatever you want to do. It's that fear and claustrophobia that I think comes to most people living in small towns. But I am lucky, because I just knew that music was my thing.
The one thing I would like to get across about my whole feeling regarding high school is how I was when I was fifteen. Gawky. Always a hem hanging down, or strap loose, or a pimple on my chin. I never knew what to do with my hair. I was a mess. And I still carry that fifteen-year-old girl around now. A piece of me still believes I'm the girl nobody dances with.
Yes, it gets better, but I also understand that saying to a 15-year-old that, 'Oh, don't worry, just wait a year', is like saying 'Wait a lifetime', but every single person has the right to go to school and not be afraid.
It reminded me of a meat grinder. From when I was a kid. Going to school it felt like you were in a meat grinder. It chews you up and pours out this mess that can't function
I had a lot of insecure moments in high school. It wasn't all peachy keen. But, I don't necessarily think that I hated high school and wanted to crawl into a hole either.
My fear is that I will be crushed in an elevator and my mother will get hold of my journals from my adolescence.
I didn't feel so great when I was a teenager, but who does?
My mother was like, "What did they teach you?", and I had never talked about that [sex-ed] so I freaked out.
I was a very unconfident teenager. I wanted desperately to fit in.
I always had a hard time communicating my emotions. I'd retreat into my bedroom and listen to music. And when you're a teenager, you're dealing with all these hormones. It's like, 'What are these?'
I really never thought about the way I looked until boys came into the picture. Then it starts to be like, 'Am I wearing the right outfit? I have to do my makeup for school!'
