Zadie Smith Quotes

It's volatile, the marriage. Which one isn't? Nothing better than a good, full-on row. Get it all out. Say rude and nasty things. And then be sorry. Genuinely sorry, afterwards.

I have a hard time expressing myself when I'm emotional, so my family has done this forever. We write each other letters if we're fighting or whatever. And my dad's a writer, but we write each other letters because we feel that it's easier to get out what you're truly saying if you write it down.

An unconscious, gentle process whereby people who want to be loving attempt to be so by telling little white lies, by withholding some of the truth about themselves and their feelings in order to avoid conflict. Pseudocommunity is conflict-avoiding; true community is conflict-resolving.

If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, "Yes, it bothers me." Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock.

What will support any relationship is clear, complete and conscious conversations when upsets or breakdowns occur.

It's terribly important that you can criticise people's ideas without criticising them, and if they burst into tears, it means that you tend to hold back from getting at the absolute truth.

On sensitive issues, talk isn't cheap - it takes real courage to pry open topics nailed shut.

And I think if you look at any relationship, for the relationship to be productive and to move forward and to grow, sometimes things have to be said that one person or the other person is not going to like to hear.

The method of democracy is to bring ... conflicts out into the open where their special claims can be seen and appraised, where they can be discussed and judged.

An executive department war ... is very difficult to sustain.

Peace is a goal, but what we need first is security.

I'm always ready to negotiate in good faith with others.

I knew that part of the problem with sensitive issues is that, because they're uncomfortable to address, we have a hard time doing so honestly, if at all.

Your relationship with your sister-in-law is hingeing on your brother's - or your sister-in-law's - ability to keep that relationship together.

I really do feel like the work and time we spend avoiding having difficult conversations is so much more wasteful and painful and time-consuming than actually having the difficult conversation.

People love to take sides, but it's not effective. It's not really an effective way of communicating something, because you're either already part of the side or you're going to feel attacked and get defensive.

Pick a co-founder that communicates in the same fashion that you do. If you are a screamer, then the only way you will ever listen to a conflicting point of view is to find someone who is passionate enough to yell back at you.

What is not cool is if we have a problem with an artist or if an artist has a problem with us, come to us directly. Talk to us. Don't start a Twitter war and all that kind of stuff. That's silly.

We need space to discuss unspoken, uncomfortable dark truths.

If I think a guy should handle things differently, I'm going to say it.

It is important that it - sometimes there are clashes between team-mates. We need each other to tell the truth, and this is not always a positive.

Many relationships can become difficult, and it can be hard to find a way back.

My relationship with my father is fine. Every relationship has its ups and downs because bad things happen in all relationships. But for me, I can only write about what I'm feeling in the moment and something that actually happened to me.

When team members trust each other and know that everyone is capable of admitting when they're wrong, then conflict becomes nothing more than the pursuit of truth or the best possible answer.

Girls groups tend to break up more because sometimes it's hard for women to get along. And everybody is like, 'They're breaking up over silly stuff.' That's not the silly thing to me - to break up. The silly part is that you couldn't get back together. It's about working out, because everyone has their differences.