Derek Jacobi Quotes

Somebody ripped their pants open at my wedding, dipping my mother. My mother is not a lady who throws herself into a dip that often, so I don't think he thought she was really going to do it.

I was on stage with Cyndi Lauper, and my trousers split. It seemed like she was going to sing for ever.

I slipped at a bus stop; I went one way and my hair went the other. That was the end of my wig.

I was singing in a mall, and I picked a girl to come up onstage with me. As I was grabbing her hand, I fell off the stage. It felt like I was in the air forever, flying like Superman.

In my senior year of high school, I was doing a dance with a bunch of friends for the talent show, and my pants split entirely in half. It was incredible.

In all honesty, titles are an embarrassment to me.

The attractive lady whom I had only recently been introduced to dropped into my lap... I chose not to dump her off.

I was on holiday recently and I came home to find that one of the papers here had 'bikini'd' me on the beach. I was wearing a grossly unflattering costume and they had published photographs of me taken from behind. I looked dreadful. I went into our local newsagent and bought up every copy.

Every day, I have a most embarrassing moment.

I hate watching myself on screen! I absolutely hate it, it's so hard to watch. I can see myself in magazines, but watching on TV or movies is like, 'Ugh.'

On one show before a live audience, I had to look out the door and call for Will Smith to come in. The audience couldn't see him, but there he was with his naked butt staring me in the face. I didn't normally hang out with twenty-something practical jokers, so sometimes he was a little much.

I remember being away somewhere, and I had forgotten it was Valentine's Day with a person, and that was very embarrassing.

During my school days, I was doing a play, and my costume fell on the stage. I really wish it didn't happen.

I was making out with this woman, and my shirt was off, and she leaned over and, in a really cute, girly voice, went, 'Hey, fatty!'

I broke my nose in gym when a ball hit me. I took a girl to her debutante ball the next week wearing a tux and a big, honking bandage. Not the romantic night she had in mind.

I only did karaoke once in my life. It was with Courtney Love and it was a total disaster. She pulled me on stage in front of 500 people at a wedding. I'd never done karaoke before.

If something can be said to make an awkward moment even worse, I'm going to say it.

I describe my plots as follows; A character is walking down the street when all of a sudden a piano falls on them. They spend the rest of the story digging out from under that piano. How they dig, how long and how well, this all depends entirely on the character.

It's awful walking into a restaurant and having the whole room look at you, knowing what they're saying.

My dog Jake ran up to Dolly Parton, and he put his nose up her skirt. We were like, 'Oh my God, don't do that.' I didn't know Dolly, and she said, 'Watch out there little doggie, don't start something you can't finish.'

There are so many things that can go wrong while performing. I've had violin strings break; I've had pants that were slowly falling down, and I'd have to pull them up in between every song; my hairpiece was falling out, so a big chunk of hair was just flapping around as I danced, and I've completely fallen on my butt.

The first time I got recognized in the Sates, it was by Mike Tyson. He sang 'Cruel Summer' at us as we were walking out of the hotel to go to the beach.

I think every girl needs a good lip split story, I have one. I fell onto my front door doorknob coming back from the mailbox, once.

Journalists are out to trap me with my underwear showing.

Whenever I've had a wig fall off, I've just played it off like I meant it to happen. Just keep a good sense of humor about it.