Wale Quotes

No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order à la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?

President Obama. He is the man. I've tried the rest, and he is the best. My dream is for him to appoint me to be the Secretary of Humor. My first act will be to make whatever Larry the Cable Guy is doing illegal.

I liked Lost in Space,” Stefan said. “The movie or the TV series?” “The movie? Right. I had forgotten about the movie,” he said soberly. “It was better that way.

…well just call me Hannibal Lecter. With cleavage.

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

These were the days when I powerfully believed Breyers and Entenmann's to be pioneers in the field of antidepressants.

I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner."

I just saw a girl who said she saw John Lennon walking down the street in New York wearing a button that said, "I love Paul.” She asked him: “Why are you wearing an 'I love Paul' button?”, and he said: “Because I love Paul.

They used to have a fish on the menu that was smoked, grilled and peppered They did everything to this fish but pistol-whip it and dress it in Bermuda shorts.

Oh no, if you really want to be wicked to him, nuke it first. (Geary) Yeah, but given his reaction to the cupcake, that might overload his taste buds with pleasure and kill him. (Tory)

There's enough people that do unfunny music. I'll leave the serious stuff to Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline.

I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.

This will be Michelle Obama's last opportunity to try to get me to eat kale.

Good God," I said. "This is the most stereotypical vampire food ever." "Only if it was raw. What do you think?" "It's good," I said reluctantly. Who knew that bacon would have made all the difference? "Really good. I think you have a promising future as a housewife while Lissa works and makes millions of dollars." "Funny, that's exactly my dream.

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food, and few things in the world are more wearying than a sarcastic attitude towards life.

Thanksgiving day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys.

You worry too much. Eat some bacon...what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.

Does it give you déjà voodoo how alike the houses are?" "That's déjà vu, and I hate you right now

First of all, Jericho...Liberace called and said he wants his pajamas back!

Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.

You take romance - I'll take Jell-O.

I come in peace...Take me to your lizard.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

Carnal embrace is the practice of throwing one's arms around a side of beef.

There are lots of things I really like besides girls. Like pizza. And pranking. And CHUCK NORRIS.