Jon Stewart Quotes

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

The element of surprise - where you think you know where a joke is going, and then you're wrong. Those are my favorite kind of jokes.

My son has been a class clown and it sort of ran in the family.

Even in my comedies, I don't take anger as a joke. I think anger and laughter are very close to each other, when you think about it. One of the things I like about a character: I always think it's fascinating when a character can turn on a dime and go from one emotion to another. I like watching that.

With 'Badhaai Ho,' the lines are so quirky and the situation is so humorous, awkward, and bizarre that people are taking away a lot from the film. The dialogues are amazing. We aren't trying to make people laugh, but the situation is like that, that people are laughing.

There's nothing worse than trying to be funny and not being funny.

Hiking in drag is hilarious!

I kind of find humor in everything, even to the point where it's awkward - like, the worst scenarios are the funniest things ever.

Trying to be funny is arguably the least funny thing you can do.

I've fallen to make people laugh. Often.

I don't mind going from sadness to comedy in a split-second or mixing the two up.

My whole life is a funny moment, man.

I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

I think pimp, therefore i am.

She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.

My sons the same, hes terribly funny. Its a wonderful power to have. Its also fantastically disarming. Women find it unbelievably disarming. You can say the most astonishing things if youre funny. You can tell a woman that shes irresistibly attractive, but do it in such a funny way.

Sometimes, when you want to laugh, reality steps in.

For me, a lot of the humor comes not from innocence but from characters trying to figure out how to get what they need. I don't try to be funny, but am relieved when an opportunity comes up for humor.

When comedy fails, seriousness begins to leak back in.

Hookers don't like to snuggle.

A guy in Greek armor drew his sword and charged, but slipped in a puddle of pina colada.

I remember the first joke that I made, which went over terribly. I was at my cousin's birthday party in Brooklyn. I was a little kid and she was a little older. They were going around introducing themselves; I was probably four, and I was very eager to impress all of these older New York kids. They went down the line and were like, "I'm Jake," "I'm Jane," "I'm Silvia," and I said, "I'm hungry," because I thought that was really going to bring the house down.

I swear, sometimes I am convinced my life is just a series of sketches for America's Funniest Home Videos, minus all that pants-dropping business. Except my life really isn't all that funny if you think about it.

I’m going back to bed,” Grandma said when Mooner and Dougie left. “This doesn’t look too interesting. I liked it better the other night when you were on the floor with the bounty hunter.” Morelli gave me the same kind of look Desi always gave Lucy when she’d just done something incredibly stupid. “It’s a long story,” I said. “I bet.