Oscar Wilde Quotes

Don't read my diary when I'm gone.

I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.

I can be sarcastic.

At this point, we've ripped on everyone.

I'm not a real blond... Shocking.

There's a rumor going around that I'm Miss Goody-two-shoes from Australia. Well, that's a laugh. I'm really Miss Goody-two-shoes from England!

I don't like magic - but I have been known to make guys disappear.

The man who cannot laugh is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils, but his whole life is already a treason and a stratagem.

Needless to say, I would have loved to have been a black belt instead of actually just wearing one to hold up my pants!

I don't know how to troll people, but there are many out there talking with that intent. I just write something funny that would make people laugh.

Oh, I've never been asked a silly question in my entire life.

I know I make a lot of jokes about Mike Jones, but I don't even have no hatred for him.

Romeo was cute …” “Cute?” Alessandro rolled his eyes. “What kind of man is cute?” “… and an excellent dancer …” “Romeo had feet of lead! He said so himself!” “… but most importantly,” I concluded, “he had nice hands!

Nobody likes me,” he concluded at the tail end of a ten-minute pity fest. “Can’t imagine why,” Quinn murmured. I turned my snort of laughter into a fake cough, which was an embarrassingly feeble attempt at subterfuge when you consider the fact that I didn’t have any lungs.

Don't get your panties in such a twist... and give me back mine.

Gazzy called over to me "I can't see anything!" "I can't see anything either," Iggy complained. "I'm rolling my eyes, Ig." I had to tell him that because he couldn't see me do it, what with his blindness and all.

These stories about my intellectual capacity really get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence Briefing.'

Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.

Men who retain irony are not to be trusted. They can't always resist an impulse to tickle themselves.

It never hurts to apologize, especially if you don't mean it.

Auri," I asked slowly, "are you joking with me?" She looked up and grinned. "Yes I am," she said proudly. "Isn't it wonderful?

Holly: Seriously, you don't like unicorns? What kind person doesn't like unicorns? Justine: What kind of a person doesn't like zombies? What have zombies ever done to you? Holly: Zombies shamble. I disapprove of shambling. And they have bits that fall off. You never see a unicorn behaving that way. Justine: I shamble. Bits fall off me all the time: hair, skin cells. Are you saying you disapprove of me?

My fans want my shirt. They can have my shirt. They put it on my back.

To make fun of a person to his face is a brutal way of amusing one's self; be delicate and cunning, and keep your laugh in your sleeve, lest you frighten away your game.

He's the only man I know of who can hide his own easter eggs.