DUDLEY MOORE

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

Maybe the memory does play tricks. Increasingly, I'm thinking, 'What was their name? I knew that name yesterday.' I think that's what happens. At some point, I'll forget that I ever worked with Peter Cook, I suppose, and Alan Bennett and Jonathan Miller.

I can hear the music all around me.

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

I am trapped in this body, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.

I certainly did feel inferior. Because of class. Because of strength. Because of height. I guess if I'd been able to hit somebody in the nose, I wouldn't have been a comic.

Jaguar — For men who'd like hand-jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.

I certainly did feel inferior. Because of class. Because of strength. Because of height. I guess if I'd been able to hit somebody in the nose, I wouldn't have been a comic.

I am trapped in this body, and there is nothing I can do about it.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

I haven't had that many women - only as many as I could lay my hands on.

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

It seems that a lot of people, who haven't known of me as a pianist, think I've just started off as a comedian. And so for them the piano was something extra. But, of course, playing the piano was something that came before all of what's happened now.

Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.

Maybe the memory does play tricks. Increasingly, I'm thinking, 'What was their name? I knew that name yesterday.' I think that's what happens. At some point, I'll forget that I ever worked with Peter Cook, I suppose, and Alan Bennett and Jonathan Miller.

I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

I can hear the music all around me.

Volvo — they're boxy but they're good.

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

Jaguar — For men who'd like hand-jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.