Humor Defense Quotes

I always knew she was being funny, but when I tell my therapist that my mom played the trust game with me and let me fall on the ground, my therapist does not find that funny. She's like, "That's the reason for everything! That's why you have such a hard time with trust!" And I'm like, "I don't really have a hard time with trust. I thought it was funny."

I've just got a really sick sense of humour that's separate from reality.

My wife and kids maybe beg to differ, but I am generally a good guy.

I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes.

I’m not short. I’m…vertically disadvantaged.

Criticism is hard for me but people find hard to believe because they think I'm very tough, very strident, that I tell everybody where to get off, and how. But I've actually got a really thin skin. I don't know. It's quite pathetic. So, yeah, it's hard for me to take criticism. But I also kind of have this sense of humor on overdrive, so I don't take any of it seriously. So that sort of saves me, the fact that I think it's just all kind of funny.

What's dry?' 'Good question. Next question!

I am not looking for a relationship right now. I have no interest in putting my time or effort into another person, nor do I need another person to put energy into me, OK? Because that's what granola bars are for.

When others kid me about being bald, I simply tell them that the way I figure it, the good Lord only gave men so many hormones, and if others want to waste theirs on growing hair, that's up to them.

I think that comedy is a good defense for a child. Because you know childhood is a nightmare as it is. And so why not use comedy and being funny as a defense to get through your life as opposed to drugs, alcohol and good looks? Because those things are dangerous when your young.

Someone once said, "I don't lie because then I don't have to remember anything." I've told white lies a lot. Sometimes when you tell stories you'll embellish them a little, especially with foxhole humor.

When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.

[about her offer of a Swedish massage] Alex: You're not Swedish. Brittany: Yeah, well, neither are you. So if I do it wrong you'll never know the difference.

Anybody that makes fun of me, I'm like, 'Yeah, and then I got touched by Hugh Jackman'

I think humor is used a lot of the time to keep people from getting too close. Humor side-steps and shifts the meaning.

I grew up in the projects. You have no choice but to fight. My jokes used to get me in fights.

I like to say I believe in ghosts so I don't get haunted by one.

Good Humor is the best shield against the darts of satirical raillery

I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, and I wasn't the biggest, so I got real good at running my mouth and making people laugh and using humor as a way to not get into fights.

The English take everything with an exquisite sense of humour. They are only offended if you tell them that they have no sense of humour.

I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!"

Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.

I have a sick sense of humor. Like, I'm always laughing at my own pain.

Hey," says Hayden, "I'm Switzerland; neutral as can be, and also with great chocolate." "Get lost," Roland tells him. "Already am." And Hayden strolls away.