Funeral Humor Quotes

I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?

You don't want to be like the motion picture exec who had so many people at his funeral, but they were there just make sure he was dead. Or how about the guy who, at his funeral, the priest said, "Won't anyone stand up and say anything nice for the deceased?" and finally someone said, "Well, his brother was worse."

I don't want to be buried in a Red Sox casket.

Once, I took a taxi. I hate those limousines. They stink and their drivers have been driving dead people to the cemeteries.

I'm a big fan of gallows humor. When my aunt passed away, she was in a coma for a day before my cousins pulled the plug. And the amount of joking and base humor that went on that day around her bed was so insane. It's crazy how people talk when something horrible is happening.

There are probably about 50 comedians who would come to my 50th birthday party but I'm not sure how many of them would come to my funeral.

Bill Clinton is the only ex-president who hasn't planned his own funeral. But, in his defense, in the past he has said he wants to be buried next to Hillary. I guess he figures he never slept next to her when they were alive, might as well try it now that they're dead.

I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat.

Services were held today for Ken Lay - convicted thief and crook Ken Lay.They folded his arms across his chest and sowed his sleeves together so he couldn't put his hands in anyone's pockets when they walked by. You know when they say in a eulogy, "You're all richer for having known him." I don't think they're going to hear that.

We both laugh. And it feels good. A release. Like laughing at a funeral. Maybe inappropriate, but definitely needed.

I think you should control yourself a little bit, so you can walk, and when you die, you can walk to your own funeral.

At my age, I regard each funeral I attend as a personal triumph, because I was not the guest of honor.

When I die I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin.

I mean I'm one of those people that laugh at a funeral. And it's always the worst time, but there's always a place to find something funny.

Realizing that life is precious the natural tendency is to trample on it, like laughing at a funeral.

There are very few topics where I can imagine that you might not find humor. And I was stunned at how much weird and dark humor there was when my mom died.