I don't know if this is an illusion but I would love to be able to take my card-throwing skills and be able to puncture a watermelon. Now I know I can take this question and say, "I would want to solve the economic problems in the world" - but I want to stick that card in that watermelon.
I'm not a professional entertainer. I'm not Neil Diamond.
I can't deliver lines, but I can talk about food all night long.
I'm an athlete, I'm funny, I'm creative, I can tell a story, I'm likable.
I had a moment where I realised I could do silly voices, that lots of people I knew couldn't do silly voices, and that thus I must be able to make money doing silly voices.
I've always had an ear for rocking a party. Just knowing what people like.
I'm a pretty good ventriloquist, but it's the entertainment value and the laughs that keep people sitting there and wanting more.
In fact, people have been very complimentary about my act and very tolerant of my singing ability.
I've never relegated the lip-synch to a lower form of entertainment. Lip-synching is an art unto itself. A lot of people can't do it.
I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing.
To do comedy, you have to be a pretty good actor to start with.
Any comic is a very good actor. Look at Don Rickles. He is saying the same joke every night for 20 years and making it look like he just thought of it.
Steven Wright can do Steven Wright very well. Not everyone can do Steven Wright's jokes with the same results.
Damien Sandow, he's a good entertainer. He keeps your attention.
I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
I want to get to the point where one day I don't have to have anything but a rug and a microphone stand on stage and still be able to sell out places like Madison Square Garden, like Bruce Springsteen does.
It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.
This is why Jessica Biel is a successful actress: because, despite the punchlines, you know how to tell a joke.
A lot of times, as a clown, you find acting for a reason. It's a way to exercise yourself. If you're funny, you test yourself.
Not playing off of an audience is very challenging.
If in the first 30 seconds, a comedian cannot bring a smile to your face, he is not an entertainer.
I can do a gig without an instrument.
I just loved stand-up comics as a kid. I'd watch them on 'The Tonight Show,' and I thought what a great craft it was to come out on stage with no instrument or anything and be able to entertain people.
My dad is one of my favorite human beings in the world. He's just a good person, and he could entertain a brick wall.
I've always enjoyed acting, and there's more than a degree of it involved in singing live on stage.
