I'm afraid that surprise, shock, and regret is the fate of authors when they finally see themselves on the page.
There are scenes from books I'm happy with. I tend to think my books are all broken. But then my favourite reads are almost always books that don't, in the end, pull off what they set out to do.
If I could do what Hilary Mantel does, I would probably do that. She is more intelligent and a better researcher and knows more what she's about than I do.
I came to the conclusion that I am not a fiction writer.
I don't think I'm a natural novelist. Plot is definitely one of my weaker points. I've been working on it a long time, and it's not getting much better.
I do ask myself sometimes, what am I doing writing about animals that talk like we do? But I guess it's okay if it brings across a point.
I always worry I've probably written one too many Bernie Gunther books and that I should probably give him his gold watch.
I have a couple of thick files about things that have gone wrong between people; I ought to write about them in the manner of a thriller. It would finally convince me that I was a real writer.
It feels wonderful to get praise from other authors who I admire, but with each new book, my confidence is always the thing I struggle with the most until I start getting positive feedback from readers.
I wish I could go back and re-write my first novel for the first time. Because I really didn't know what I was doing, and although it was published, it is, after all this time, kind of an embarrassment.
I didn't know I was really a writer until I read it in the New York Times. And then I thought, "Oh my god, maybe I can really do this". That was a review of "Margaret."
My last book was speculative. I just don't quite know what I am doing. But I'll get there. I have a list of things I would love to write.
