Absurd Comparison Quotes

I have nothing against Sean Penn. I don't even mind that he ended up divorcing Madonna. I mean, I still like Shia LaBeouf even though he chose to star in Transformers, which turned out to be a movie about robots from space. That Talk. Which is just as bad as choosing to divorce Madonna, if you ask me

I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion.

My children are vampires. I don't mean that they are going to dress as vampires for Halloween. I mean that, like vampires, they cannot be captured on film.

The idea of a tax on the ownership of a television belongs in the 1950s. Why not tax people for owning a washing machine to fund the manufacture of Persil?

By your logic I should also be in charge of Solinade dances, needlework, and horse thieving.

Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.

A yak is a prehistoric cabbage; of that, we can be sure.

Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.

I hear these people saying [Barack Obama]'s like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested. I mean, it's crazy.

Phil took us to the finals three out of the five years and you want to fire him and want to bring in Mike Krzyzewski? Come on, man. That's like being married to J-Lo, then dropping J-Lo for a girl that's 5-10, 480 (pounds).

Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger.

Marvelous Marv was holding down first base. This is like saying Willie Sutton works at your bank.

I should like to suggest that at least on the face of it a stroke by stroke story of a copulation is exactly as absurd as a chew by chew account of the consumption of a chicken's wing.

It makes a lot of sense to me that I would be a cartoon. I feel like a cartoon as a person. I really, really do.

If you believe that I'm a cop killer, you believe David Bowie is an astronaut.

Eating chicken without skin is like riding a bike without wheels

To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.

As a filmmaker, I get compared to people who have no clue how to do anything, but because of some Internet writing, it looks like they would actually be better filmmakers. I think this is absurd.

This is quite difficult 'cause I have a really flat head, and so it's quite difficult to get a correct angle. And you can't go up from down below as well, 'cause I've got, like, rock solid gelled hair. And so, like, it was odd. I don't know, sometimes I feel like my head is being, like, turned inside out. Like that episode of Ren & Stimpy when he's inside his own belly button. I don't know.

Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.

All right, then nobody can complain if we ask pregnant women to make parachute jumps.

A common way to compute density is, of course, to take the ratio of an object's mass to its volume. But other types of densities exist, such as the resistance of somebody's brain to the imparting of common sense.

The city needs a car like a fish needs a bicycle.

Like a man made after supper of a cheese-paring: when a' was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forked radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it with a knife.

That's like comparing apples with hermaphroditic ground sloths.