Ashleigh Brilliant Quotes

My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.

Colombian humor is very black, very sarcastic.

Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting.

I'd like to have a perfect sense of direction. I could get lost with a GPS strapped to my arm.

By the way, I'm funniest when I'm not being funny. I'm better to laugh at than with, pretty much.

I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.

I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating.

I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it's a sort of rage against society.

We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny.

Screw up my life?" He stared at me for a second and then said, deadpan, "I'm a five-foot-three, thirty-seven-year-old, single, Jewish medical examiner who needs to pick up his lederhosen from the dry cleaners so that he can play in a one-man polka band at Oktoberfest tomorrow." He pushed up his glasses with his forefinger, folded his arms, and said, "Do your worst.

If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others

Amazing.” Hi stripped off his shirt, wrung it out. “Score one for your honker.” “Thanks, I think.” I cocked my chin at Hi’s substantial midsection. “Nice abs.” “Yeah, I work out twice a month. No expectations. But stop hitting on me, it’s embarrassing.

You can make fun of your own a lot easier than someone else's.

You ought to be ironical the minute you get out of bed. You ought to wake up with your mouth full of pity.

I did, however, manage to do it without hurting those dogs. Very considerate of me. Don't let it be said I'm not an animal lover-that wretched kitsune aside.

I love pity parties. I wish I'd brought hats.

Humor is the opposite of all self-admiration and self-praise.

I like sarcasm. I like snark.

The s - t I put on Instagram, in a lot of ways, I'm making fun of what it actually is. Some of the things I put on there are absolutely ridiculous because parts of my life are absolutely ridiculous.

Oh! This'll impress you - I'm actually in the Abnormal Psychology textbook. Obviously my family is so proud. Keep in mind though, I'm a PEZ dispenser and I'm in the abnormal Psychology textbook. Who says you can't have it all?

Now when I have to remember a date, all I have to do is consult my rap sheet.

You're a terrible cook, Daniel." "I know," he replied, "But it's the effort that counts." "I hope that's not the slogan for your dental practice.

I ran like a cheetah - well, like a cheetah that smoked too much.

I'm in shape, but only if you consider a circle a shape.

Those of you who are not aware of my brilliant career as a stand up comic, I'm not aware of it either so we might well wonder what we're doing here.