Lawrence Kohlberg Quotes

You have to discipline your children, or they won't respect you, law enforcement or God or anyone else.

When people lack teachers, their tendencies are not corrected; when they do not have ritual and moral principles, then their lawlessness is not controlled.

I remember clearly, when I was about 4, my Aunt Linda said, 'I'm not babysitting him no more. He's bad.' It was one of the first conscious shifts I remember making. I decided, 'I'm going to be good now.'

When you have everything in life, sometimes kids don't learn what is right and what is wrong. Kids cannot get whatever they want.

My mom was the organized enforcer. When someone crossed the line, mom was pretty clear-minded about how to... correct that error. But my dad led by his example, so we never wanted to do anything wrong that would, that would upset him or disturb him.

I think you have to be a little bit strict. You can't be friend and their parent in a lot of situations, especially in this day and age where it's so dangerous for kids. So there's a bit of sternness, I guess, in the way I raise my kids.

Anyone who is interested in the psychology of children will have observed that whereas one child will resist temptation or seduction, another will easily yield to it. There are children who will hardly oppose any resistance to the invitation of an unknown person to follow him; others who react in an opposite way in the same circumstances.

A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.

When a child does bad things, the parents are always going to love their child even if they do something bad.

Parents must not only have certain ways of guiding by prohibition and permission, they must also be able to represent to the child a deep, almost somatic conviction that there is meaning in what they are doing.

With parents, that's the only way sometimes that they can get across to their kids is by giving them an ultimatum.

I can't for the life of me see that by being permissive you actually assist anyone.

There's no handbook for parenting. So you walk a very fine line as a parent because you are civilizing these raw things. They will tip the coffee over and finger-paint on the table. At some point, you have to say, 'We're gonna have to clean that up because you don't paint with coffee on a table.'

I think that discipline is so much of an important part of being a parent. Because it's very, very important to teach your children to take responsibility for their actions.

The Chinese model calls for giving your kids very little choice - and I've come to see that you can go too far with that. On the other hand, I also believe that Western parents sometimes give their young kids too much choice.

Children need parameters, know what's right or wrong.

My parents were always pretty free with me. They were of the school of thought that if you really cramp down on someone and tell them not to do all these things, it's gonna become like forbidden fruit.

My parents never really lecture me.

It is the uninvolved parent who has to resort to strictness.

As much as you don't like disciplining your kids, you have to sometimes. Kids want that structure, that leadership, that guidance. I think that's what I try to give my children.

Like children, adolescents need a framework. Otherwise they can't cope. When someone has unlimited freedom, it means there's nobody who cares what they're doing.

Discipline is not always internalized and actually can breed resentment among children.

Children are becoming disobedient... why, because of the lack of rules boundaries and limitations.

With regard to moral rules, the child submits more or less completely in intention to the rules laid down for him, but these, remaining, as it were, external to the subject's conscience, do not really transform his conduct.

Even the most high-maintenance boss isn't going to sit and watch you the whole time, making sure you're paying attention to them, whereas with a child, it's like, 'Wait, what? You're not watching me right now? Really? Then I'm going to go spill this milk.' Even bosses from hell don't behave like that!