Rasheed Wallace Quotes

Tell them it was a foul.

When you knock people out, it's sometimes a very scary situation - but I always hoped that no one got seriously hurt. Now when I see them get knocked out, I laugh. When you finish the game, it's funny. And when I look at film of myself, I think, 'I wouldn't fight that guy.'

I had a sketch called 'Fedora Basketball,' which was about basketball players having to wear hats; in addition to scoring points, they have to make sure their fedoras don't fall off.

There was a line call that didn't look so great. I went ballistic. Called the umpire a jerk. Whacked a ball into the stands. Then smacked a soda can with my racket, and got soda all over the King of Sweden, who was sitting in the front row.

I should think wrestling is the most positive thing in the world. The fact is, behind the scenes, there's stuff that goes on that's bush-league. It's laughable.

All-Star Weekend always treats me great. I love the atmosphere that comes with it.

If the NBA wants me to be somebody who can say, 'It is flop or not?' I'll do that for free. For fun.

I don't know what is flopping. I think Derek Fisher does a better job of that than I do. It's taking a charge. It's for the refs to decide.

Nobody wants to win a game on a bad call.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?

One time, I put up 40, 50 points dunking on Shawn Bradley. After the game, he brought his family over. He was like, 'This is my wife. She wants to take a picture.' I'm like, 'Nice to meet you.' I smile into the camera, take the picture, and then feel guilty about dunking on him so many times.

When you start to talk about comic books, a lot of the time, people forget about the comic part of it. They need to be funny.

Nick Offerman is my hero. He just cracks me up. He's so funny, but he's a true actor, too - he's bringing so much when he's onscreen.

A funny person is funny only for so long, but a wit can sit down and go on being spellbinding forever.

It ought to be an offense to be excruciating and unfunny in circumstances where your audience is almost morally obliged to enthuse.

I gravitate towards anything that has a grain of comedy to it.

So I watched the Pink Panther last night, and so I'm trying desperately to be funny, and then it's just not working out so good... I wonder if maybe I could've been a comedian or something like that, or maybe I could've been a doctor, then I wouldn't have to make anyone laugh.

The stage is a training ground and it's where you learn what's funny and what's successful.

I'm a goofball and a comedian.

Why do all these people want [comedians] to be serious? The reason they want that is these are people who aren't funny. Anybody funny can be serious, but people who have no sense of humor, they can never be funny - and frankly, they're jealous. There's very few comic actors. Think about it. There aren't that many. It's hard because you have to be able to do both.

I can make people laugh at the drop of a dime. God's given me that ability.

I love making people uncomfortable, and when people say, 'I cringed watching [that] scene,' that's the biggest compliment you can give me.

I knew I wanted to be in show business so I took the path of least resistance. I loved comedy. But you never know you are funny until people laugh. It's just what I was interested in. I could make people laugh, I guess, but doing it at school and doing it onstage are very different things.