Judith Martin Quotes

It's a very ancient culture, British culture. You can't be seen to be too wealthy, and you certainly can't be seen to be giving away any of your wealth either because that's sort of vulgar, too. It's funny, that, because in New York, if you are wealthy, you have to be philanthropic to be successful.

It is disgusting to pick your teeth; what is vulgar is to use a gold toothpick.

Gentlemen can now only behave as such, or be tolerated as such, in circumstances that are manifestly contrived or unreal.

In social matters, pointless conventions are not merely the bee sting of etiquette, but the snake bite of moral order.

Wearing the correct dress for any occasion is a matter of good manners.

All ladies arriving here as strangers it seems expect to be visited by the wives of the heads of the departments and even by the President’s wife. Mrs. Madison subjected herself to this torture, … but from which having begun the practice, she never found an opportunity of receding from.

Ceremony is an invention to take off the uneasy feeling which we derive from knowing ourselves to be less the object of love and esteem with a fellow-creature than some other person is. It endeavours to make up, by superior attentions in little points, for that invidious preference which it is forced to deny in the greater.

Though shyness per se was unacceptable, reserve was a mark of good breeding.

The hat is not for the street: it will never be democratized. But there are certain houses that one cannot enter without a hat. And one must always wear a hat when lunching with people whom one does not know well. One appears to one's best advantage.

That clergyman soon becomes an object of contempt who being often asked out to dinner never refuses to go.

Those that are good manners at the court are as ridiculous in the country, as the behavior of the country is most mockable at the court.

It is helpful to know the proper way to behave, so one can decide whether or not to be proper.

A lot of our lives are about being polite.

The most vulgar slang is scarcely worse than the attempted elegance which those unused to good society imagine to be the evidence of cultivation.

Insofar as he'd formed any opinion of her, it was that she suffered from misplaced gentility and the mistaken belief that etiquette meant good breeding. She mistook mannerisms for manners.

Good manners disappear in proportion as the influence of a Court and an exclusive aristocracy lessens; this decrease can be plainly observed from decade to decade by those who have an eye for public behavior, which grows visibly.

A gentleman does not appear to know more or to be more than those with whom he is thrown into company.

The civilities of the great are never thrown away.

To seem sorrowful is not in good taste: You're supposed to seem bored.

The outrageous is the reasonable, if introduced politely.

The rich, like well brought up children, are meant to be seen, not heard.

Remain dignified, dress well, be good to other people and you’ll be fine.

I have noticed several times that people don't think I know how to behave even when I'm trying as hard as I can.

The pejorative term "political correctness" was adapted to express disapproval of the enlargement of etiquette to cover all people, in spite of this being a principle to which all Americans claim to subscribe.

it is bad manners to contradict a guest. You must never insult people in your own house - always go to theirs.