Kanye West Quotes

True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.

If only my folks had beaten me, I could have gotten some material about my miserable childhood. But as it is, I've had a great life.

Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.

People who go for humor are wonderful because they do great humor. People who go for wit and end up with humor are people who have made a mistake.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the Pope. When I came to Hollywood in 1983, I had one dream. To sleep with Jodie Foster. That didn't work out, but this is nice, too.

Hey, have you heard that one about the difference between me, Wit, and my loutish cousin, Hilarity? No? Okay, so I walk into a bar, you see, very unassuming, and order a martini. Then the bartender, Hilarity, hauls off and squirts me in the face with a seltzer bottle, ruining my n ice new camel hair suit, dousing my monocle and my watch fob, soaking my cravat. So, do I let him have what for, and blow my top? I do not. I simply say: Sorry, I believe I said 'very dry'.

As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold."

We reserve the right to make fun of every single person on planet Earth.

He's a jokester, and that's funny, very funny. Ha-ha. Very funny.

I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops

It's a dangerous game that comedy plays. Sometimes it tells you the truth; sometimes it delays it.

For a 6-foot-3 guy with no hair and a whiny voice, I've done all right.

I'm not a psychopath-I'm wearing a tie!

Humor does not include sarcasm, invalid irony, sardonicism, innuendo, or any other form of cruelty. When these things are raised to a high point they can become wit, but unlike the French and the English, we have not been much good at wit since the days of Benjamin Franklin.

The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you're fussing that he's tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

Witty and mean is easy - but fond and funny is hard.

For the qualities of sheer wit and humor, Swift had no superior, ancient or modern.

I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.

Thank God for wisecracks.

Humor is just truth, only faster!

Cute? I think my testosterone level just dropped - Ranger